Life, Death, Eternal Life
Many people have asked me why I do not go to the states to have my baby. My baby will be American in whatever country she is born in because I am American. However there is better medical care in the states. (I will have to get a birth certificate and passport for her here at the American Consulate before she can cross).
Well all I can say are these three words above LIFE, DEATH, ETERNAL LIFE!
God knows where I am and the LIFE He has brought me to. He knows that I have a son that is facing DEATH and it can happen any day. He also knows that I already have a little one with Him living ETERNAL LIFE. Also Jose’s two half brothers are with Him.
I have thought and prayed a lot about it and yes sometimes I do get frustrated and want to go to the states for better medical care. Maybe that is why God had to put me on bed rest from 6 weeks pregnant. In 1996 in the TJ trash dump doing ministry God had given me the verses of Jeremiah 29:11-14 especially verse 13. Again in 2011 at our wedding Pastor Nills read verse 11 this is not a normal wedding verse and he had no idea of what had happen 15 years prior. But it was a reminder to me of when God had told me years ago I would live in Baja. However like so many people I thought that everyone here knew Jesus. (Well that is soooo far from the truth).
In 1999 I left to go to OM Ships and serve God, most of the time I felt like Jonah knowing one day they were going to come and through me off. I continued to serve God on board in many countries seeing the miracles that only God can do in our lives and in others lives. Then I came back to the states to live a normal LIFE since my heart was in the Middle East and in 2001 those doors shut! In 2003 I returned to L.A. trying to live a normal LIFE going to church and working. I found the most amazing church HCC and thought wow I am going to be here forever however God sent perfect strangers to pray for me and speak into my life that He was moving me back to where he took me from. I had no idea what that meant but it included words like your heart’s desire and seeking Him with all of my heart. Trusting HIM to provide everything!
So in 2009 I said ok God what does ALL my heart look like. He began to show me bringing me to Mexico for what I thought would be a few weeks and we are now in April 2014! Getting married and having children were never on my plans of LIFE. Especially after burying Jose’s half brothers I said I would never want to bury my own child. I now focus on his LIFE and not his DEATH however this does not mean I ignore the fact that it can happen any day with a simple heart attack or the rest of his lungs that are not already hard to can harden and fill fast. Javi and Feliz died 4 days apart at 16 and 14 so many of us thought Jose would not live past 12. The hard part of Duchenne is that it is worse with each son the mother has.
On March 13 of 2013 when I was 10 weeks pregnant with my very first child at the age of 43 my child or children as I like to imagine twins. Went to be with Jesus, I decided to call them Paulino and Paulina since he would never really allow me to name them with his name. I was shocked a few weeks prior to find out I was pregnant Jose had been telling me for over a month that he had prayed to God that he would get to met his little brother before he went to Heaven and that I was pregnant. Well we were both shocked that the babies went to heaven (not sure they were twins but I would loved to have twins.) He was mad at God and wanted to know why God loved his brothers more than him and left him on this earth while he has taken all of the others to be with Jesus where they are health and walking. I explained it is because he needs to share the love of Jesus here on earth and his dad and I are selfish and want him to stay.
Then the one of the other thoughts I have had to deal with is if I am not here or cannot get back here when Jose goes to Heaven. I want to be at his side when he walks through the gates of Heaven. Also if my baby inside of me right now dies I want her dad to hold her and know her. Or if I die I want my son and husband to be able to say good bye. And plots are really expensive in the states; I never want to be burned but want to be buried even though it will just be my bones and not my soul. I will be with Jesus!
The above may sound crazy but when you deal with Muscular Dystrophy, crisis pregnancy and all the other things life has thrown our way. We know God is in control and I want to serve Him where ever He calls me. So many of our neighbors are poor financially like us, or do not have passports or even papers to prove who they are never the less be able to cross an international border to give their child better health. Sometimes trusting in God knowing He is breathing life into this beautiful girl and our lives are in His hands. Psalm 113 has been our life verse since we got married and decided to go to the trash dumps and the addicts but just recently the last verse has meant so much more to me! PLEASE DO NOT STOP PRAYING FOR US AND FOR GOD’S PERFECT WILL.