Life, Death, Eternal Life
Many people have asked me why I do not go
to the states to have my baby. My baby
will be American in whatever country she is born in because I am American.
However there is better medical care in the states. (I will have to get a birth
certificate and passport for her here at the American Consulate before she can
cross).
Well all I can say are these three words
above LIFE, DEATH, ETERNAL LIFE!
God knows where I am and the LIFE He has
brought me to. He knows that I have a son that is facing DEATH and it can
happen any day. He also knows that I already have a little one with Him living ETERNAL
LIFE. Also Jose’s two half brothers are
with Him.
I have thought and prayed a lot about it
and yes sometimes I do get frustrated and want to go to the states for better
medical care. Maybe that is why God had to put me on bed rest from 6 weeks
pregnant. In 1996 in the TJ trash dump doing ministry God had given me the
verses of Jeremiah 29:11-14 especially verse 13. Again in 2011 at our wedding
Pastor Nills read verse 11 this is not a normal wedding verse and he had no
idea of what had happen 15 years prior.
But it was a reminder to me of when God had told me years ago I would
live in Baja. However like so many people I thought that everyone here knew
Jesus. (Well that is soooo far from the truth).
In 1999 I left to go to OM Ships and serve
God, most of the time I felt like Jonah knowing one day they were going to come
and through me off. I continued to serve God on board in many countries seeing
the miracles that only God can do in our lives and in others lives. Then I came back to the states to live a
normal LIFE since my heart was in the Middle East and in 2001 those doors
shut! In 2003 I returned to L.A. trying
to live a normal LIFE going to church and working. I found the most amazing church HCC and
thought wow I am going to be here forever however God sent perfect strangers to
pray for me and speak into my life that He was moving me back to where he took
me from. I had no idea what that meant but it included words like your heart’s
desire and seeking Him with all of my heart. Trusting HIM to provide
everything!
So in 2009 I said ok God what does ALL my
heart look like. He began to show me bringing me to Mexico for what I thought
would be a few weeks and we are now in April 2014! Getting married and having
children were never on my plans of LIFE. Especially after burying Jose’s half
brothers I said I would never want to bury my own child. I now focus on his LIFE
and not his DEATH however this does not mean I ignore the fact that it can
happen any day with a simple heart attack or the rest of his lungs that are not
already hard to can harden and fill fast. Javi and Feliz died 4 days apart at
16 and 14 so many of us thought Jose
would not live past 12. The hard part of Duchenne is that it is worse with each
son the mother has.
On March 13 of 2013 when I was 10 weeks
pregnant with my very first child at the age of 43 my child or children as I
like to imagine twins. Went to be with Jesus, I decided to call them Paulino
and Paulina since he would never really allow me to name them with his
name. I was shocked a few weeks prior to
find out I was pregnant Jose had been
telling me for over a month that he had prayed to God that he would get to met
his little brother before he went to Heaven and that I was pregnant. Well we
were both shocked that the babies went to heaven (not sure they were twins but
I would loved to have twins.) He was mad at God and wanted to know why God
loved his brothers more than him and left him on this earth while he has taken
all of the others to be with Jesus where they are health and walking. I
explained it is because he needs to share the love of Jesus here on earth and
his dad and I are selfish and want him to stay.
Then the one of the other thoughts I have
had to deal with is if I am not here or cannot get back here when Jose goes to
Heaven. I want to be at his side when he walks through the gates of Heaven.
Also if my baby inside of me right now dies I want her dad to hold her and know
her. Or if I die I want my son and husband to be able to say good bye. And
plots are really expensive in the states; I never want to be burned but want to
be buried even though it will just be my bones and not my soul. I will be with
Jesus!
The above may sound crazy but when you deal
with Muscular Dystrophy, crisis pregnancy and all the other things life has
thrown our way. We know God is in control and I want to serve Him where ever He
calls me. So many of our neighbors are poor financially like us, or do not have
passports or even papers to prove who they are never the less be able to cross
an international border to give their child better health. Sometimes trusting
in God knowing He is breathing life into this beautiful girl and our lives are
in His hands. Psalm 113 has been our life verse since we got married and
decided to go to the trash dumps and the addicts but just recently the last
verse has meant so much more to me! PLEASE DO NOT STOP PRAYING FOR US AND FOR
GOD’S PERFECT WILL.
Trusting God for His perfect will does not always look agreeable to those around you. He has shown you the way and you trust Him. No reason to second guess where He has you. Praying for you my friend.
ReplyDelete